If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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