lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize