I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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