Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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