I accidentally burped into my bong.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
