if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I touched a dick in church today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
