We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
