apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
