I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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