so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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