Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
