Four minutes until I can fart!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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