So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
