i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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