I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize