So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
