Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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