Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
