Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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