4 words: hood of his car
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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