Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
