Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
