in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
