Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
