Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
