these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How's work?
Spinning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
