halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
