What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize