Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
