Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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