Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
