he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize