shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
