even my farts smell like vagina
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
