So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
