He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
