So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
