I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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