By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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