I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
