someone threw a dead crab at me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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