but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
