just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i was in the wii world.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
