if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
