I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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