last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
