that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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