sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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