We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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