ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The air was thick with penises
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
