Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
