I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
