My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
