i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
