sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize