i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
