there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
