lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
