JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
