Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
