We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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