Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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