I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
