if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
