can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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