I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
