I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
