I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
