Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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