Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
