he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
