Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
