As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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