Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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